Tuesday, March 1, 2016

Something New

With each accomplishment and milestone I cross, it's easy to be in the moment. In fact, it's the only time in my life I slow down and look at everything precious in my life. Graduations, break-ups, moving into your first apartment, your sister's wedding, your first job, moving to a city that's not your hometown and now life after graduate school. It's a moment of contemplation, a suspended moment in life where you can decide to let go, move on and be the person you want to be. It's the moment to look back at pain, loss, laughter, happy memories, hopefully only a few regrets and decide what's worth remembering and what's not.

Being so acutely aware in the in between, the transition has always been uneasy place for me. Looking out into the unknown has never been frightening; I'm independent, curious and ready for whatever my future holds. With two degrees and lots of experience, I feel confident but don't wear it to well. I've cut and colored my hair more than once to make a statement. I've bought more heels, red lipstick and black dresses to wear to work to exude sophistication but these little things haven't exactly pushed me to be a better person or encouraged bigger and more meaningful pursuits.  Accepting change is not what is holding me back, it's letting go. Too much time has been spent fixating on what went wrong, how things could have been different and friendships that were not worth fighting for. I'm in the moment of transition and as I purge my closest for the millionth time with my 90s playlist on high in the background, this time I'll laugh over stupid, silly mistakes, forget the people who didn't make time for me and work on my new thing, learning to let go of everything holding me back.